On a completely random note...

"Are you going to school?". I get asked this question a lot. And the answer that I give to everyone is, "not right now. I'm planning a wedding and thinking about what I want to do. I'm hoping after the wedding I'll have a better grasp on what I want to do career wise." But my thinking for that answer is, "Yeah, right." To be honest I don't have the slightest clue what I want to do. I have changed my mind approximately 5 times, if not more, since graduating high school. I have had different choices and some choices I keep going back to. Yes, I know I am only 20 years old so I still have some time. But my thinking is, what if I never decide?

There are two things in life that I'm certain I want to be, a wife and some day down the road a mother. But as for making money who knows? I know that after we're married I am going to get a job. I like staying busy and I also like having my own source of income. I don't like relying on other people. That has always been difficult for me. If I don't have to ask you for anything, chances are I'm not going to.

The one thing I have been contemplating lately is owning my own business. I don't really know why this thought is so appealing to me. Maybe because I like interacting with people and setting my own pace. However, I don't see it happening anytime soon, or ever for that matter. Especially being married to a Military man. Moving constantly would not be conducive to owning my own busy (such as maybe a self-serve Yogurt Shop. Don't ask me why I want to own one of those. I just think it would be cool.). My mom has said I could start my own business online, so that way it would be able to travel with me wherever we went. This would be a fantastic idea, however, I have no clue what kind of business I would start online. I am certainly not a crafty person, so I am thinking making stuff would be out of the question. But there is one thing my mom has mentioned. In the process of planning the wedding I have had a hard time finding a lot of stuff I need. So the only online business idea I could even think of would be something wedding related. Maybe selling things I had a hard time finding. 

But right now I'm not sure. I guess the only thing I can truly say is we will see what the future holds.

Better

This past weekend was fantastic. I was so happy that Josh was able to come up, even if it was only for 2 days. I love when I get to see him. It puts me in such a better mood. We were able to go to a couple stores and do our wedding registry. It was a little overwhelming at first but a lot of fun. We did get a little carried away, but hey why not? There is so much stuff that you don't think about, especially since we're not living together yet. Josh and I kept fighting over who got to control the scanner. I'm glad we got that out of the way. It's another thing I can check off my list.

Since Josh was able to come up this weekend I made myself a promise. I promised myself that after he left this weekend I would try and control my emotions/stress better. I, unfortunately, let myself get to a point where everything was overwhelming. I let little things get to me that should have just rolled off my back and I ended up spazzing out by the end of everyday. I know that I cannot do this anymore. Of course, not seeing Josh is still going to be extremely hard. But I know for my sanity (and his) I need to do this. I need to do better. I need to stop and breathe and just relax. Things will get better. Yes, it does suck that we're not together right now. But in the long run it is all worth it and we will be together.

We have been together 2 years and although I have been through 2 deployments, I consider myself very lucky. I am lucky because Josh will be on shore duty the first 2-3 years of our marriage. I don't have to worry about another deployment for a while and that makes me so happy. I will be use to living on our own before he gets another deployment when and if he re-enlists after this enlistment.

I know that moving away from my family is going to be hard. I am not even going to pretend that I will make an easy transition. But I know Josh will be there to support me and help me through. I guess this is why a large part of me hopes he will get stationed here on the east coast. So we will be closer to our families. But that is not guarantee and I'm not holding my breath. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. I am excited though, for what our life together will bring.

Close to A Standstill

Well I really shouldn't stay standstill. The day is drawing closer, slowly but surely, when I will no longer be Jillian Holdridge (I mean seriously we're just over 7 months away!!!!). But as for planning, or doing anything else big for the wedding, there really hasn't been much. It seems that most everything is done, all that's left is little details here and there. And seriously who would have known that I would have such a hard time deciding on my shoes of all things. Hopefully soon we'll be doing test runs of the favors to make sure what we have planned is going to work right. I am so excited for the favors but I know it's probably not going to be easy, considering we're making them all. I also put a down payment on the wedding cake. When I went in we talked shape and design to make sure we were on the same page. I can't wait to see what it ends up looking like. I've seen their work before (a similar cake included) and I think it's going to be beautiful. We still have yet to fully commit to a Unity Candle. I have such a specific idea in mind for it that I really can't just go to Hobby Lobby or Michaels to buy it. I've been looking on this website Etsy and have, unfortunately, find a couple different ones that both Josh and I like. Making the decision even harder because now we have to choose between them. I feel like it's the little stuff that has been kicking my butt, trying to decide for sure on certain things. I want to be sure of my decision so come wedding day I won't say, "Oh, I wish I would have gone with that instead.". But let's be honest, I don't think I'm going to do that. I know, like so many people have told me, that come the wedding day, nothing else will matter. And I feel this is most certainly true. I think one thing I am truly thankful for though is hiring a decorator. It saves me and my family and friends the stress of having to rush in Saturday morning to decorate and it also saves me the stress of having to buy every little thing and make sure it gets set up properly.

The biggest non-wedding thing happening in the next four months is that Josh will be finding out where he will be stationed come July. For me it is scary and exciting all in one. I have never lived away from my family and just knowing that we could end up on the other side of the country is a very scary feeling. But at the same time I am very excited to start my life with Josh and to be on my own.

Oh days like these

In the process of planning this wedding I've had a lot of ups and downs. Moments where I just want to be married, that the wedding itself doesn't even matter, and moments when I can't wait for all my family and friends to be surrounding us on that day. I cannot wait to marry Josh. It sounds mushy and cliche but I never thought I would find someone I would love this much and who would love me regardless. He loves me and my family and supports me in whatever I choose to do. He is my soul mate (yes, another cliche) and I cannot wait to call him my husband.


But lately I've been struggling with being uncontrollably frustrated. I say uncontrollably because I am getting frustrated at things that I don't want to be frustrated with. I'm trying to learn that I can't please everybody, but I still want to. I want everybody to be happy even if that means I sacrifice my own happiness. There is so much going on within the next 8 months that it seems crazy to think that one of those things is my wedding. I am excited and thrilled but yet I have a constant fear that no one will come. I know people will but with being in a completely different state then many of our guests and with the major life changes going on with everyone I fear that our wedding will take the back burner. 

I miss Josh, more then words can describe. I tell him all the time and I worry sometimes that I say it too much. But can you ever really tell someone that you miss them too much? I don't know. There are days where I just want a hug from him so bad. But right now I can't have one and I will just have to wait. At least I am able to talk to him and hear his voice whenever I want (for the most part). It's hard to not really know when I'm going to for sure see him next, but hopefully it's soon. At least he's in the same country right?

Ultimately though Josh and I will be married which is the most important thing. Whether people show up or not, I can't wait to be Mrs. Johnson.

9 months to go.

Tomorrow is August 19th. That means exactly 9 months until I marry my true love and I couldn't be happier. Well that's not true, I could definitely be a little happier today. I have been spoiled the last couple weeks. I've got to spend them all with Josh and that was amazing. But he left to go back to Virginia today and I couldn't go with him. I know it's better this goodbye because unlike the last big goodbye he won't be gone for 6 months and I'll know exactly where he is. But just because of that does not mean it's any easier. I still miss him very much and it still causes me to be emotional.

But on a bright note, while Josh was here we got A LOT accomplished for the wedding! So much that I'm not even sure where to begin. I guess it would just be best to go in chronological order, so I'll start at the beginning. 
The first thing we did while he was here was go cake tasting and man was it good. I found the place a couple months ago. Well actually I found the place in January right after Josh left while starting my wedding research. I was so excited to finally be able to go there and try their different flavors of cake. I'd gone into the bakery before and tried some of their desserts so I knew their cakes would definitely (hopefully) be good! Josh and I decided on 4 different flavors for the cake and we also decided on (well I told Josh what I wanted and he agreed) the look of the cake. 
The second thing we did was go to Mens Wearhouse and finalize the tuxes we wanted. Small detail but a detail that needed to be taken care of none the less. I think all the guys are going to look very handsome and I can't wait.
We also went to Jared's and picked out our wedding bands. I love them both and cannot wait until I am able to wear mine. Josh didn't want to take his off but I forced him too. In 9 months we can wear them for good :).
We were also able to get our Engagement pictures taken while he was here. They all turned out very good and I can't wait to share them with everyone! If the engagement pictures are any indication of what the wedding pictures are going to look like I absolutely cannot wait! 
Last but not least we met with the decorator to finalize our plan. I am so excited with everything that she has come up with. She has definitely done a better job then I would have ever done. She incorporated everything that we talked about plus threw in a couple ideas of her own that I can't wait to see. 
Well I am sure there is a lot more that I can't quite remember. I am tired and slightly emotional, but luckily not as much as I was. I think what I am going to do now is crawl into bed and catch up on some Pretty Little Liars. I still have a lot to do, not just with the wedding but with my life in general. I'm hoping that things continue to go smoothly. Goodnight all :)


Oh and heres a little peek of our pictures :)

It's been a while.

I am currently sitting in the Philadelphia airport waiting for my connecting flight to start boarding (I still have about 45 minutes) and realized I haven't updated in a while. A lot seems to have happened since I last updated, but at the same time none of it has really been on the wedding front.

 

This was probably one of the greatest moments in my life! Six months of separation and I finally got to wrap my arms around him. I didn't want to let go! I missed him so much and I'm so happy to have him home safe! I got to spend 2 full days with him, which was not enough! I am currently on my way back to Virginia Beach so I can spend even more time with him.

When he takes leave in about a week we will be doing more wedding stuff, meaning my updates will become more wedding oriented again. I'm so excited about the cake tasting it's ridiculous. 

Well off to catch my flight. Hope everyone is doing well.

45 Weeks 1 day 15 hours and 22 minutes

Just in case you're wondering, that's approximately how long there is until mine and Josh's wedding (give or take a few minutes). 

However, the more important number right now is 5. There are 5 days until I leave for Virginia Beach. And very soon after that I will get to see Josh. The emotions I am feeling are overwhelming. I am happy, excited, overjoyed, nervous and anxious. It has been 6 months since I've seen Josh and it feels like forever. I am so excited that it's been difficult for me to fall asleep. I am surprised that this has started already but it just means it's getting closer. When I talked to Josh yesterday he also shared some wonderful news. He doesn't have duty the whole time I'm down there. This made me so happy. I don't get that many days with him so the days I do get with him I want to spend every possible minute with him!

There isn't much to update on the wedding front. Three of the bridesmaid dress have come in and the one I saw I absolutely love! The color, which I was nervous about, looks so great! It's not to dark and the dress is so beautiful. When Samantha was down here we were able to go to the bridal store so I could show her my dress and see the two dresses next to each other. They look so good together. They are just similar enough that they don't look out of place.

I will meet with the decorator again after I get back from Virginia. I'm very excited to see what she's come up with.

Well that's all for now. I am excited because my next blog should be after I see my fiance :D