In the process of planning this wedding I've had a lot of ups and downs. Moments where I just want to be married, that the wedding itself doesn't even matter, and moments when I can't wait for all my family and friends to be surrounding us on that day. I cannot wait to marry Josh. It sounds mushy and cliche but I never thought I would find someone I would love this much and who would love me regardless. He loves me and my family and supports me in whatever I choose to do. He is my soul mate (yes, another cliche) and I cannot wait to call him my husband.
But lately I've been struggling with being uncontrollably frustrated. I say uncontrollably because I am getting frustrated at things that I don't want to be frustrated with. I'm trying to learn that I can't please everybody, but I still want to. I want everybody to be happy even if that means I sacrifice my own happiness. There is so much going on within the next 8 months that it seems crazy to think that one of those things is my wedding. I am excited and thrilled but yet I have a constant fear that no one will come. I know people will but with being in a completely different state then many of our guests and with the major life changes going on with everyone I fear that our wedding will take the back burner.
I miss Josh, more then words can describe. I tell him all the time and I worry sometimes that I say it too much. But can you ever really tell someone that you miss them too much? I don't know. There are days where I just want a hug from him so bad. But right now I can't have one and I will just have to wait. At least I am able to talk to him and hear his voice whenever I want (for the most part). It's hard to not really know when I'm going to for sure see him next, but hopefully it's soon. At least he's in the same country right?
Ultimately though Josh and I will be married which is the most important thing. Whether people show up or not, I can't wait to be Mrs. Johnson.
